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After so much prayers, fretting, and (almost) sleepless nights, I am just so relieved to say that I passed the screening and selection interview, medical examinations, and other whatnot for the hospital that I applied to a few weeks ago. I am starting as a trainee tomorrow!
Joy joy joy joy joy.
You won’t believe the mental torture I put myself through for this, worrying minute after minute, telling myself I can’t face the shame of failure, begging God to spoil me like a brat and answer all my prayers. Okay, I’m being overly dramatic, but I’m just so happy. Answered them He did. I wanted this so badly.
Right here and now as I type this post, I’m promising myself that I will work hard at this. I am going to put in 100% of my effort. I’m not employed yet, of course, but this is a step closer. This is my ticket to a (hopefully) successful career as a nurse.
I’m trying to fix my room. And I mean really fix it, like doing a bit of spring cleaning. Except that it’s summer. I have a feeling I’m going to be busy for the following weeks, so this is the only time I have to do this. Problem is, I am a huge pack rat. Wheee. I admit that I have too many things– too many books, clothes, toys, shoes, bags, and the like. I could hold my own garage sale (and I probably will, only on ebay hehehe).
I have a feeling that my brain is wired to the thought “it’s a shame to throw this away!” In college, my friends and I called it the “hoarding reflex.” It runs in the family, and on both sides too. My grandfather was one (may he rest in peace), and so is my father, and my aunt, and my cousin. We are a family of pack rats, and it makes life at home absolutely chaotic. Living with ONE pack rat, as I’m sure my mother knows very well, is more than enough to handle already!
I think I might be the messiest anal-retentive person to walk the planet. I have tons of excuses for my behavior, all of which I can back up with science. Or at least, the things I’ve learned in the academics. And the internet. Best excuse is “I’m right-brained.” My brother and I love using this one, which is true, we are right-brained. Self-proclaimed anyway.
If you’re a right-brainer, use the excuse. People must understand. We’ve got our own way of “organizing” things. When someone “fixes” our things the “normal way,” we get confused. It throws us off. We can never find anything because that someone has “messed everything up.” Of course, saying that will probably just end up annoying the hell out of people, but hey, they have to know.
We’re not lazy, we’re just right-brained.
Have to get back to fixing the room now. The normal way. I hate it.
How can you lower your expectations and at the same time stay positive? It’s so hard especially in this whole job-hunting thing. I know I have to be optimistic and believe in myself, but I can’t help but get this nagging feeling that I urgently need to prepare myself for disappointment. I really feel like I’m going to mess this up.
I know it’s always like this before an interview, but this particular one is extra special and very important to me. This is different from the screening interview, which by the way, I did a so-so job on. My next interviewers have the final decision. Well, almost. I need to do way better now.
I don’t want to fail and I don’t want my fear of failure to ruin my performance. I want to be confident, but I don’t want to be too confident. I AM SO WORRIED. This is not good.
I don’t think I’ve done a good job prepping myself. I have one more day to go. I’ve been waiting for this opportunity for so long and I’m thankful, but I am not happy that this is taking up all my time during Lent. And I’m just generally not happy with myself right now.
If anyone is reading, please say a prayer for me. Thank you.
Awhile ago I had a screening interview in one of the major hospitals here. To spare myself the anxiety, I will not dwell on it much until I receive the response I’m looking for. That is, if I do receive a response. These four sentences dedicated to it are enough. In the meantime, I’m going to participate in the traditions of Holy Week. I still have tomorrow and Wednesday to take care of some business (and I’ll talk about that soon). I’m slowing down until after Easter Sunday.
Have a blessed Lenten season everyone. 
