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…well, it’s not really a check, but hey, i just received wages for my first job ever! Okay, so it’s not really wages- it’s more like an allowance. And it’s not officially a job- it’s a training program. Still, it’s a program that hopefully will end with me getting employed. I’m happy!

It’s the first thing I’ve earned that didn’t come from ebay and “freelancing.” And by freelancing, I mean looking so pitifully jobless that relatives will offer to pay you to do things that they could have done themselves. Like make an email invitation (yay! Thank you, tita). Their only consolation is that I can do it slightly better than they can. And slight is, well, not much of a difference.

Anyway, things are really looking up this week. I can say that I like most of my fellow trainees, and though my performance hasn’t been my best, I’m getting by, mostly. Hehehe.

Oh, and I got a very nice offer recently. Maybe I’ll talk about it later. I feel like my life just went and jumped onto a trampoline, and right now I’m in the part where I’m hanging in mid-air after that extra boost. Wheee!

So it’s been good for me, an especially good one compared to last week, when I went into a mini-depression and failed a good number of exams. I was feeling a little unloved, what with adjusting to a new environment, and no one on the same wavelength as I am. God just made up for that now.

After so much prayers, fretting, and (almost) sleepless nights, I am just so relieved to say that I passed the screening and selection interview, medical examinations, and other whatnot for the hospital that I applied to a few weeks ago. I am starting as a trainee tomorrow!

Joy joy joy joy joy.

You won’t believe the mental torture I put myself through for this, worrying minute after minute, telling myself I can’t face the shame of failure, begging God to spoil me like a brat and answer all my prayers. Okay, I’m being overly dramatic, but I’m just so happy. Answered them He did. I wanted this so badly.

Right here and now as I type this post, I’m promising myself that I will work hard at this. I am going to put in 100% of my effort. I’m not employed yet, of course, but this is a step closer. This is my ticket to a (hopefully) successful career as a nurse.

How can you lower your expectations and at the same time stay positive? It’s so hard especially in this whole job-hunting thing. I know I have to be optimistic and believe in myself, but I can’t help but get this nagging feeling that I urgently need to prepare myself for disappointment. I really feel like I’m going to mess this up.

I know it’s always like this before an interview, but this particular one is extra special and very important to me. This is different from the screening interview, which by the way, I did a so-so job on. My next interviewers have the final decision. Well, almost. I need to do way better now.

I don’t want to fail and I don’t want my fear of failure to ruin my performance. I want to be confident, but I don’t want to be too confident. I AM SO WORRIED. This is not good.

I don’t think I’ve done a good job prepping myself. I have one more day to go. I’ve been waiting for this opportunity for so long and I’m thankful, but I am not happy that this is taking up all my time during Lent. And I’m just generally not happy with myself right now.

If anyone is reading, please say a prayer for me. Thank you.

Awhile ago I had a screening interview in one of the major hospitals here. To spare myself the anxiety, I will not dwell on it much until I receive the response I’m looking for. That is, if I do receive a response. These four sentences dedicated to it are enough. In the meantime, I’m going to participate in the traditions of Holy Week. I still have tomorrow and Wednesday to take care of some business (and I’ll talk about that soon). I’m slowing down until after Easter Sunday.

Have a blessed Lenten season everyone. 🙂

A few days ago I went to our city hall to get a new cedula for this year. The man at the counter remembered me from last year, and seeing that I’d written “none” in the blank occupation, he asked “you’ve been jobless for over a year?” The way he had said it, I might as well have put “lazy parasitic bum mooching off parents’ money” or something of the same nature (it’s true anyway) as my occupation. Gee, thanks for the encouragement, mister.

I wanted to say, “half of that year was spent reviewing for the board exams, a fourth spent waiting for results and my license to be issued by the slow, ineffective, and not to mention, corrupt government that you work for. A twelfth was spent recovering from an appendectomy and the rest looking for a job, with a few training programs thrown in between! How productive was 2008 for you? Wanna see a picture of my appendix?” Pair that up with a shrill voice and a crazed look in the eyes. Then add a little neck wringing for maximum effect.

I know, we long-term un-employees can be a little sensitive. Anyway I just said “yes,” paid my dues and left with my new cedula.

These past two months, I’ve lost the motivation for blogging. I don’t know why.

I’ve applied to most of the major hospitals in Metro Manila, and I’ve been attending my classes thrice a week. Despite that I’m not really busy. I do want to be, but lately it seems that I have to force myself to GET. A. MOVE ON IT.

I just feel like putting off everything. I am not exaggerating when I say that I feel like sleeping forever! Okay, maybe I am. I just want to keep lying in bed, not doing anything. Preferably for a very long period of time. Ugh.

***

Moving onto lighter things, my friend Gelo and I decided to spend some time educating ourselves on the Japanese language with the dictionaries and phrase books in National Bookstore (oh yes, we lead quite an exciting life, hanging out in National Bookstore. Please give us a job now).

One of these books had a title similar to Teach Yourself to Speak Japanese and in my opinion, contained absolutely the funniest phrases ever, considering that it’s not a humor book like Wicked Japanese for the Traveler (which I own a copy of, by the way). I doubt that there would be many situations in which I’d feel compelled to say “whose chickens are those” or “this pencil is very long,” and best of all, “the dog fell from the roof (inu wa yane kara ochimashita).”

Really. The dog fell from the roof. That makes me wonder whether some of the Japanese keep their dogs on the roof, like we do. It’s very common here in the Philippines. Seriously. I’d be in a car on a flyover and I’d look down and see a dog with a leash on a shanty house roof. Sometimes there is a small doghouse too.

Trips to bookstores will always be informative. In one short afternoon we learned that majority of the English dictionaries in National Bookstore didn’t include the word “discombobulate” (actually, none of the dictionaries there did), and that National Bookstore had its own little commercial ditty, and a very dramatic one too. Listen to it on National Bookstore radio in the branch nearest you. Yep, we are Laking National.

Happy holidays! A bit late, but oh well. I’ve been busy with Christmas and family matters, and of course, being unemployed. I am getting sick of explaining myself to relatives (same old yeah-I’m-still-jobless-no-vacancies-in-the-hospitals-yeah-I-know-it’s-so-hard-to-find-a-job-here-yeah-there-are-more-opportunities-abroad-but answer). January has to be better. Honestly, it’s becoming embarrassing whenever someone asks.

And with that thought in mind, I am giving my resume a face lift. I found this article at lifeclever.
Give your résumé a face lift

It might help, it might not, but I thought I’d share it to anyone reading this who might have the same problem as I do.

Oh and more about accidents- I managed to scald my big toe (the right one).

I’ve also had a few revelations about life and love and family and perseverance and myself, like only the holidays can give to you. I guess I will talk about that another day. Happy holidays again, and a good new year for everyone.

white here, gray at the end of the day

white here, gray at the end of the day. bored in my seat.

It’s People’s Day today.  People’s Day is a medical mission that they hold every month at the Heart Center.  I wish I could be a nurse there.  I spent half the day as one of the volunteers.  There weren’t a lot of patients, probably because no one wants to go to the hospital during Christmas season.  Who would want to find out that he might have diabetes just 15 days before Christmas?  You’d want to postpone it until after you’ve finished all the holiday food.  My task is to record their cholesterol results (in which you have to wait three minutes for the machine to read the data from their blood samples), and it gets so tedious that a few times every three minutes, I  keep looking down at everyone’s shoes.

My friend Mia was wearing this beautiful pair of white nursing shoes that don’t make your feet like Ronald Mcdonald’s (which most of the nursing shoes we own do).  Oh and I’ve learned never to wear a pair of shoes full of holes when in a very cold room.

I’ve been walking all day again.  After volunteer work I went to the mall with my friend Bayan.  My feet hurt like hell.  I still love walking though.  I’d walk around forever if I didn’t feel like I would injure myself.  I’d walk all around town and from town to town..