You are currently browsing the category archive for the ‘Family’ category.

A few months have passed and I am walking along the same dusty path again. This time, it’s to accompany my brother’s best friend to his grave.

The mango trees are as grand as they were last time, still bearing fruit.

The sky is all white now. I can’t distinguish the clouds from the sky.

We pass through the maze of tombstones. The ground is still damp from the recent rain. I hear my brother weeping softly beside me, so I begin to cry too. I can’t stop my tears.

I always thought they would both stay friends until they reached senility.

My heart is heavy. It feels like an anchor, dragging me, slowing me down.

My mind is still in the church, replaying the eulogies. I’m touched by all the stories people have told. My heart is breaking for his own brother, who stood at the pedestal with his head in his hands, at a loss for words. I couldn’t bear it when he broke down crying. Everyone else did too.

My mind is still in the funeral home, where his mother held a framed photo of his in her hands, posing for a photo with the family. He should have been there, standing with them.

They lay him down beside his father inside a small mausoleum. When they seal his tomb, we say our goodbyes. We walk away, we part ways with wet eyelashes. He’s gone.

Advertisements

My friends, what follows is a list of all the things that I will never do (in no particular order). If you see that I’m about to do something that is on this list, stop me immediately. Thank you.

 

Image

 

 

I will never:

  1. Eat cake/chocolate/sweets/whatever unless I have a valid reason (celebrations, free food, low blood sugar, and being happy or depressed are valid reasons. Eating due to boredom is not a valid reason)
  2. Forget how awful getting a hangover feels like
  3. Stop learning
  4. Let minor things come between friendship or family
  5. Do drugs
  6. Let anyone else make my choices for me (unless they know better than I do)
  7. Hurt a child or helpless animal
  8. Become an alcoholic
  9. Become obese
  10. Make my kid’s education a financial investment (that is, if I have any kids)
  11. Marry a condescending/abusive/unkind man Marry
  12. Hold a grudge against anyone
  13. Fail to stand up for myself
  14. Forget to be thankful to God
  15. Neglect relationships with other people
  16. Eat yellow snow
  17. Spend more than my means
  18. Get addicted to a video game ever again

This list is going to get longer.

I have to review and reorganize my life goals and priorities again. I think I may need to do this more often. Like, every month, if necessary. I feel like I’m making very little progress with my life in general. It’s been the same for a few years now. I’m currently 26 years old with no plans of settling down. I don’t even have any plans of getting into a relationship.

The only change I’ve made is a career change. Many people questioned whether it was the right thing for me to do. For me, it was a necessary choice.

Should I go back to being a nurse and pursue a life abroad? That’s usually the goal of people who have studied nursing here in the Philippines, and I’m not sure I really want that.

My biggest problem? Uncertainty.

I’ve clearly been avoiding this topic for awhile now. I don’t even feel like blogging about it, but I just had a talk with my aunt and it’s been eating away at me. She wants me to get my immigration papers processed as soon as possible.

I said I would start. I said I’d take all the necessary exams next month. I say a lot of things.

Damn my big mouth.

There’s a lot to be done, and I’m not sure I want to do it. I’m a little scared.

I need to figure things out fast. But if I do do it (migrate, I mean), I’m not going back to being a full time nurse.  It was a rewarding experience that I’ll always be thankful for, but honestly speaking, I’m done.

I may not know what I want, but I know what I don’t want.

It’s really pathetic that I enjoy my job more than I enjoy dealing with my family.

She liked this photo of  our gumamela.

She liked this photo of our gumamela.

 

My cousin, Ate Riza, passed away yesterday at 8:45PM.  She was severely injured in a motorcycle accident that left her unconscious in the ICU for 6 days.  Her condition deteriorated and we received news that she had hydrocephalus.  CSF was quickly building up inside her skull, compressing her brain.  She was supposed to undergo surgery.  I don’t know all the details yet, but it was cancelled when her blood pressure kept falling.

It took me awhile to process the news.  This is the third death in the family this year.

Although we live apart from each other, she kept in touch and gave me and my family support through trying times (as much as one could over a distance).  It was always her reaching out towards other people.  We all loved her dearly.  Even if I haven’t seen her in person for years, her absence is something that will take time for me to get used to, and I’m going to miss her.

I find myself coming back again and again to her Facebook page.  I go back to her posts before the accident and those of friends and family afterwards.  I don’t know exactly what to feel about social media and death, but I can’t stop reading and re-reading her page.

I don’t have much else to say.  To anyone who cares, please pray for her, and to anyone who travels on a motorcycle, please be careful.  Stay safe.