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Today on our trip back home, I realized that some laws of physics can be applied not only to physical objects, but also to people and life in general. The law of inertia stood out to me the most.

Remember what it says? “An object at rest will remain at rest and an object in motion will remain in motion unless acted on by an external force” (thank you, google).

Life’s version is a little bit different though.

In life, the object is you. Think of yourself as a little ball. Your birth sets you in motion and you go from infancy to childhood to adolescence to adulthood, and hopefully, to old age. You, as the ball, need to pass through all of these important developmental milestones in order to mature as a human being. You gain experiences in the process, some of which can be unpleasant.

Events that you experience are the external forces that act on you. Some push you forward, others pull you backwards. Some might be strong enough to “stop” you. These could be tragic events such as falling terminally ill or losing a loved one. Now when you do stop, you rest. That isn’t so bad because you might need it. For example, when you lose someone dear to you, you have to stop to grieve so that you can accept and come to terms with that loss.

Unfortunately, we can’t forget that the law of inertia states that you will remain at rest unless an external force acts on you. I think that this is the part that most people struggle with. Getting back in motion can be difficult. It takes a considerable amount of energy to start over again. Sometimes, even the thought of starting over can be too taxing.

This is also where life strays a bit from the law of inertia. We know that an external force must act on you in order for you to move. In life, that force can come from within. You don’t always have to wait for something to put you back on track because you can do it yourself. We have the ability to rise up when we fall down. This is what I like about the resilience of human beings. Again, it’s also the part where you might struggle the most, but don’t give up.

The trick to life is to keep moving. Avoid stagnation. You’ll die faster when you stop.

Am I making any sense?

It’s 2014, let’s all keep that ball rolling. Happy new year everyone!


I was killing time by exploring the big blue sea of the internet (aka Tumblr), when I saw a post that said, “if you could unmeet a person, would you?”

I found myself asking whether I knew anyone who should be removed from my life, perhaps someone who has hurt me badly enough that I would want to go back in time and run like hell in the opposite direction (or maybe use a selective mind eraser a la Men in Black and delete that person from my memory forever).

Well, my answer is no, I would never unmeet anyone. There is no one I can think of who deserves that. Even if such a person did exist, my answer would still be no.


The Doctor


The Doctor said, “in nine hundred years of times and space… I’ve never met anybody who wasn’t important before.” Maybe I’m naive for believing this, but I think all people come into our lives for a reason. It doesn’t matter whether they become an integral part of our lives or whether we meet them only once.

The point is that each person has a role to play in our lives. He or she could be a game changer or a simple passerby. He or she could lift you up or pull you down, love you or hate you, help you or hurt you. The roles may be different, but the people you meet all have one thing in common, and that is to teach you something.



Mostly they teach you about yourself (and they do this more often than you realize). They ask questions. They push buttons. They catch you off-guard. They challenge you. They make you feel; they make your heart ache. They make you do things you didn’t think you were capable of doing. They are your mirrors; they show you your strengths and weaknesses, and help you understand how you can become a better person. You just have to be willing to learn.

Of course let’s not forget how some people can be downright cruel. They will do nothing but test your limits and try to crush you; they will stretch you until your breaking point. It can be difficult to understand how their presence in your life can contribute anything positive, but that’s where the challenge lies.

At the very least, try and get something out of all that suffering you did by learning from that experience. Without these people to shake things up- without them to make you risk the quiet order you’ve built for yourself, you would never know otherwise. And not knowing otherwise will prevent you from appreciating what you have and don’t have.


Don't waste your energy


It’s human to have regrets, but dwelling on them will drain you and leave you feeling every bit the victim. How you deal with them is your choice and no one else’s. There is no use in wasting your energy wishing to unmeet anyone. Carry on and you will be a stronger person. Someday you might even thank that person for what they did to you.

(Sidenote: just as other people teach us about life and ourselves, we also do the same for them with every action we take. So let’s be mindful of the things we do and how we treat others too.

Sidenote 2: The source of the Doctor Who is image from the big blue sea called tumblr)


So I deleted that last post I wrote because it sounded like I wasn’t going anywhere. I was just rambling.

My brain has been waterlogged for the past few days. I feel like I have hydrocephalus.

There’s been too much to process lately. I can’t think straight. Everything is going way too fast and I just keep on lagging. Work, family, friends, futures, commitments, my own faults. I want to clear my head but I can’t seem to do it. It feels like I’ve been drugged or something. It’s really frustrating.

What is wrong with you, brain? Wake up, you need to catch up ASAP.

A couple of days ago I had palpitations for no reason (I was just sitting in front of my desk). I couldn’t keep my eyes open and had to put my head down to nap during lunch break (it’s weird, I never sleep at work).

I know it might be because I’m overdoing it. I’ve recently been formally given the task of managing a very, very large project, and failure is not an option. While I am thankful for being trusted with something so big, the pressure and anxiety have been growing slowly. It’s like a balloon that can burst at any moment. What’s worse is that I am having trouble focusing on the things I need to focus on. I have a bunch of worry areas that I need to get rid of, and I don’t want to bite off more than I can chew.

All this stress is translating into my other activities.

Take my aikido classes for example. Our teacher had to keep reminding me to relax. I can’t seem to enjoy doing ukemi for throws like I used to. Those are my favorite but now I can’t even do my forward rolls properly. Last Tuesday we did some very basic kotegaeshi and irimi techniques and I kept hesitating in receiving and executing them. I think that my old fear of falling is back. I was so comfortable with ukemi before. I can’t believe how 5 months of no practice has set me back so much. Now, instead of looking forward to practice, I am beginning to dread it.

The drive to keep on moving is my sugar, and I’m sugar crashing.

I went and tried to relax by going to a spa (which I highly recommend doing), but that seems to have been defeated by all the things I tried to accomplish over the weekend.

Maybe I just need more sleep?

I know I’m not alone in this as I have a few friends who are in the same boat. The only difference is that, while they like to talk about their problems (and I like to listen to them), I hate talking about mine.

What I want to do now is drill a hole in my head, let everything spill, and then pick out all the rubbish and throw them all away. I want to scrub the inside of my skull clean. I want to dive into a pool of energy drink and absorb it through osmosis. I want to start fresh again. Reset. Reset. Reset.


The point is one of the the most basic concepts in geometry. It takes up a defined position on a plane surface. To get anywhere, whether it’s a graph, a city, a goal, or in life, you must go from one point to another point.

Say you’re sitting down in your room as I am sitting now. Think of a place that you want to go to (a tangible one, please. We’re not ready to deal with concepts like heaven or happiness yet).

For example, imagine you have to meet a friend at a cafe located 5 blocks away, and you have to be there in 15 minutes. Drawing a straight line between you and that cafe is the fastest and shortest distance that you could travel. Assuming that taking that straight line could get you to the cafe in 5 minutes, you’ll still have 10 minutes to spare. Hooray for you!

This is a map that has  absolutely nothing to do with what I'm talking about.

This is a map that has absolutely nothing to do with what I’m talking about.

Unfortunately, reality is not like that at all. Most of the time, we don’t have that option to take the straight line. This is what could happen in reality:

You set out to walk to the cafe. You don’t take the straight line because there are walls and buildings in the way. You have to go around an entire block because there is some construction going on where, for some reason, pedestrians aren’t allowed to pass by. Halfway through, you realize you forgot your wallet at home, so you rush back to get it. You get your wallet. You break into a weird, half-walk, half-run, forgetting about traffic regulations because you were in such a hurry. A policeman catches and fines you for jaywalking. You arrive at the cafe 15 minutes late.

Yup, that my friends, is life. There are so many twists and turns and circles everywhere, it’s almost like straight lines don’t exist (and if they do, they’re blurry). It doesn’t seem so comforting when you think about it, but that’s what makes life interesting.

You never know what to expect when you turn around a corner, and that’s fine. The next point you need to reach may not be so clear, and the path may be obscured by smoke and fog, and that’s fine too. I believe the smog and dust will settle, and as you progress, you will learn to fan out the fog.

From here on I’m going to keep this in mind: there is little adventure in taking perfect, straight lines. Deviations from the straight line open you up to experiences you would never have encountered; they help you discover new things, new people, and most importantly, yourself. Just as Ellie from the movie “Up” would say, “adventure is out there!”

Recent developments in my work and personal life have turned the past few days into a crazy carnival ride. Things went up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, just like the Konami Code.

Of course, there’s always something to be gained from all kinds of madness, so here are the things I learned throughout the entire course. Let’s start with the heavy stuff and move towards the lighter ones later on. Allow me to elaborate:

  1. Mortality is always just around the corner. You don’t know when it will be your turn to go, so make the most out of every day. Think about it. When you leave this earth, who and what are you leaving behind?
  2. Life will go on without you (this is depressing. Sorry).
  3. In relation to number 2: more often than not, you are just a little cog in a machine called The Corporation. When you disappear, the machine might stall, but they will find other cogs to replace you. It may not run the same without you, but it will still run. As Chuck Palahniuk would say, “you are not a beautiful or unique snowflake.” No one is indispensable.
  4. Good is innate in all of us, and most people don’t realize that. Not everyone has an ulterior motive. They just have a very strong sense of social responsibility. It may feel like Good Samaritans are a dying breed, but they still exist. Our own desire for self-preservation prevents us from recognizing these people. 
  5. The Filipino society now is more accepting of homosexuality. Proof of this is the new TV show called My Husband’s Lover and the growing number of books under LGTB literature. Unfortunately, close-mindedness towards gender preference is still around and it’s a shame. Take for instance, Charice Pempengco’s outing. They say she shouldn’t have done it and it ruined her career, and it is obvious that they think being homosexual is something to be ashamed of. It’s surprising how openly negative these people are about homosexuality. She chose a difficult path and I admire her for it.
  6. Fear is a deterrent. It will paralyze you if you let it become bigger than yourself.
  7. Always make sure everything is in its proper place before you jump in. Keep details in mind because they are important. Forget the details, and you risk getting yourself into weird and inconvenient situations (such as finding yourself sitting inside a truck, stuck in traffic with an angry driver and your senior riding at the back).
  8. When you’re in the Philippines, never ever schedule a press conference or a meeting that coincides with the NBA Finals. Then we’ll all be happy.

Signing off now. Here’s to another day.

I have to review and reorganize my life goals and priorities again. I think I may need to do this more often. Like, every month, if necessary. I feel like I’m making very little progress with my life in general. It’s been the same for a few years now. I’m currently 26 years old with no plans of settling down. I don’t even have any plans of getting into a relationship.

The only change I’ve made is a career change. Many people questioned whether it was the right thing for me to do. For me, it was a necessary choice.

Should I go back to being a nurse and pursue a life abroad? That’s usually the goal of people who have studied nursing here in the Philippines, and I’m not sure I really want that.

My biggest problem? Uncertainty.

I’ve clearly been avoiding this topic for awhile now. I don’t even feel like blogging about it, but I just had a talk with my aunt and it’s been eating away at me. She wants me to get my immigration papers processed as soon as possible.

I said I would start. I said I’d take all the necessary exams next month. I say a lot of things.

Damn my big mouth.

There’s a lot to be done, and I’m not sure I want to do it. I’m a little scared.

I need to figure things out fast. But if I do do it (migrate, I mean), I’m not going back to being a full time nurse.  It was a rewarding experience that I’ll always be thankful for, but honestly speaking, I’m done.

I may not know what I want, but I know what I don’t want.

I had the strangest dream today.  I dreamt of helping a mother deliver 6 babies inside a mall,  and reviving one of them who suddenly stopped breathing.  I gave baby-sized breaths until he/she opened his/her eyes (they were a lovely green.  Also, I have no idea what the baby’s gender was).  I think my subsconsciousness is trying to tell me something.  

For the past few weeks, I’ve had an increased number of conversations about my nursing career (or shunning thereof).  Many people are curious as to why I left bedside nursing to become a clinical analyst-slash-nurse informaticist, which is really more of an IT position than a medical one.  I find people asking me to compare traditional nursing to my role now.  My stand on this is that I like my new job better than my old one, but I worry that I’m making a mistake in the long run.  Hmmm.  Will I ever go back to being a bedside nurse in the future?  And if I do, am I wasting my time exploring other career options?

I hate asking myself questions like these so I just bury them at the back of my mind.

(On a completely unrelated sidenote, why does WordPress say that “dreamt” is spelled wrong?  Is there a new rule that says that the correct spelling is now “dreamed”?)


I’ve forgotten all about this little WordPress blog of mine.  It’s been two years since my last post here, and I’m surprised at the fact that this blog still exists, and that it even gets any hits.

The last time I was here, I was still working for a prestigious hospital in Metro Manila, doing my rounds as a float bedside nurse in a different nursing unit everyday.  There were major changes in my life since then.

For one, I still work for a prestigious hospital in Metro Manila, but it’s not the same one as before.  And I am no longer a bedside nurse; I work as a clinical systems analyst (or nurse informaticist, if I really want to use “nurse” in my job description).  I moved out of the apartment that I was renting with my roommate, Lyza, and I am back at my childhood home.  Then I went through an ordeal with my family which I don’t want to get into details of.  I still have the sneakers in the picture of my blog header, but I don’t wear them anymore.  I still write poems and do sketches, but have not done any crafting for a long, long time.

I don’t know why I’m writing this (I’m pretty sure no one is reading), but I thought this blog deserved an update. I admit that I began using tumblr shortly after I stopped blogging on WordPress, and after two years, I miss WordPress.  It was, and will continue to be the place where I map out my thoughts.  With that said, I’m going to revive this blog.  I plan to migrate some of my tumblr posts, just to keep a somewhat “complete” record of all my posts for the past years (so I guess it will be safe to assume that any posts between February 2011 up to March 16, 2013 came from tumblr).

For anyone who’s interested, my tumblr is Salty Scribbles.

Days go by so fast, it’s insane.  I can’t believe half of the year is gone (that’s probably how long I’ve been inactive here on tumblr).

I met a lot of great people who taught me some valuable lessons about themselves, other people, and myself.  I did things that I never thought I would or could do.  I found my curiosity for the world again.  I had fun and I’m no longer jaded.  

I’m alive and well.  I’m wiser, and apparently still as weird as ever (in a good way).  I’m ready for what the rest of the year has in store for me, whatever those things may be.

  1. Anger is infectious.  It spreads and turns into rage quickly, like a wildfire.  When someone is angry, don’t fight fire with fire.  Back down and calm yourself first or you’ll end up burning the forest down to the ground.
  2. Avoiding your problems won’t make them go away.  They will only add up and come back to overwhelm you.  Immersing yourself in things like work, gaming, TV, drinking, or whatever else to distract you is not going to be effective in the long run.  You’ll have to face them all eventually, so face them as soon as you possibly can. Don’t run away.
  3. When something is making you unhappy, change it.  If you can’t change it, then remove it from your life.   Do that, instead of removing yourself from life.  There are other solutions.  Suicide is not, and never should be, an option.
  4. You never know when it will be the last time you ever see someone.

Recent events just gave me a lot to think about, and that’s where all of the above came from.  A dramatic, emo rant is about to start one sentence from now, so please stop reading if it’s not your cup of tea.

It hasn’t been going especially well at work or at home.  Work is well, work.  You all know how I feel about work.  It still sucks.  

One of my close friends has been missing for almost a year now.  In December, it will definitely be a year since she last disappeared.  She left home and cut off all contact with everyone.  No one knows where she is- no one’s heard from her since.

Two days ago an old co-worker of mine jumped to her death from 6th floor of her condo.  The details are still fuzzy, but they say that she left a note on her laptop, and that she was holding her cellphone when it happened.  This came as a huuuge shock for me.  She never struck me as a person who would do that and I just can’t believe it.  I can’t imagine what her family is going through.  May God help her find the peace she was seeking.

I have nothing further to say.


This is the personal blog of teskaraptor aka bananatree. Yes that's me, a 20-something nurse working in the IT field.
If you ask me to choose one word to describe myself, I would choose "weird."

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