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I was killing time by exploring the big blue sea of the internet (aka Tumblr), when I saw a post that said, “if you could unmeet a person, would you?”

I found myself asking whether I knew anyone who should be removed from my life, perhaps someone who has hurt me badly enough that I would want to go back in time and run like hell in the opposite direction (or maybe use a selective mind eraser a la Men in Black and delete that person from my memory forever).

Well, my answer is no, I would never unmeet anyone. There is no one I can think of who deserves that. Even if such a person did exist, my answer would still be no.

 

The Doctor

 

The Doctor said, “in nine hundred years of times and space… I’ve never met anybody who wasn’t important before.” Maybe I’m naive for believing this, but I think all people come into our lives for a reason. It doesn’t matter whether they become an integral part of our lives or whether we meet them only once.

The point is that each person has a role to play in our lives. He or she could be a game changer or a simple passerby. He or she could lift you up or pull you down, love you or hate you, help you or hurt you. The roles may be different, but the people you meet all have one thing in common, and that is to teach you something.

 

 

Mostly they teach you about yourself (and they do this more often than you realize). They ask questions. They push buttons. They catch you off-guard. They challenge you. They make you feel; they make your heart ache. They make you do things you didn’t think you were capable of doing. They are your mirrors; they show you your strengths and weaknesses, and help you understand how you can become a better person. You just have to be willing to learn.

Of course let’s not forget how some people can be downright cruel. They will do nothing but test your limits and try to crush you; they will stretch you until your breaking point. It can be difficult to understand how their presence in your life can contribute anything positive, but that’s where the challenge lies.

At the very least, try and get something out of all that suffering you did by learning from that experience. Without these people to shake things up- without them to make you risk the quiet order you’ve built for yourself, you would never know otherwise. And not knowing otherwise will prevent you from appreciating what you have and don’t have.

 

Don't waste your energy

 

It’s human to have regrets, but dwelling on them will drain you and leave you feeling every bit the victim. How you deal with them is your choice and no one else’s. There is no use in wasting your energy wishing to unmeet anyone. Carry on and you will be a stronger person. Someday you might even thank that person for what they did to you.

(Sidenote: just as other people teach us about life and ourselves, we also do the same for them with every action we take. So let’s be mindful of the things we do and how we treat others too.

Sidenote 2: The source of the Doctor Who is image from the big blue sea called tumblr)

 

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Running at Bonifacio Global City

Fellow runners at Bonifacio Global City

So I ran for the very first time in a race yesterday. It had to be a 10k one too because I am stubborn. I ignored all advice on taking things slowly and gradually increasing distance (don’t be like me, I do a lot of stupid things). I did have a month of preparation though. I nearly backed out at the last minute, owing to the fact that I felt like I was going to come down with the flu and I was banking on only 4 hours of sleep the night before. Still, I am proud to say that I went through with it to the finishing line with no injury or accident (probably because I walked half the time).

Adidas King of the Road singlet and their awesome finisher's medal

Adidas King of the Road singlet and their awesome finisher’s medal

Anyway, here are some tips I received from my officemates who regularly join marathons (helpful for a beginner like me):

  1. Don’t forget to stretch and warm up before each run.
  2. A bar of chocolate is a good energy snack/breakfast food if you think you can’t handle anything heavier before running.
  3. Wear a pair of spandex or cycling shorts underneath your running shorts to prevent chafing.
  4. Use thicker socks for a long run.
  5. Land on the ball of your foot, not your heel.
  6. Hydrate and eat a recovery meal within the hour after the race.

A few more things that I learned throughout the run:

  1. Start slowly and progress from walking to jogging to running.
  2. Get a pair of good running shoes to avoid discomfort and injuries.
  3. It’s okay to walk. Just go at your own pace.
  4. Check singlet sizes beforehand. If it’s in a European size, get at least one in a size smaller than your usual size.
  5. Don’t forget to wear sunscreen!
  6. Bring a cap to protect your face from the sun.
  7. An armband pouch is an important accessory to own, especially if you have no pockets.
  8. Get enough sleep the night before, and make sure your body is in the proper condition.

I never realized that running could be so much fun. Joining a race is also a great motivator for training regularly.  I’m really looking forward to the next run soon! I’ll definitely be more prepared when that comes.

Geometry

The point is one of the the most basic concepts in geometry. It takes up a defined position on a plane surface. To get anywhere, whether it’s a graph, a city, a goal, or in life, you must go from one point to another point.

Say you’re sitting down in your room as I am sitting now. Think of a place that you want to go to (a tangible one, please. We’re not ready to deal with concepts like heaven or happiness yet).

For example, imagine you have to meet a friend at a cafe located 5 blocks away, and you have to be there in 15 minutes. Drawing a straight line between you and that cafe is the fastest and shortest distance that you could travel. Assuming that taking that straight line could get you to the cafe in 5 minutes, you’ll still have 10 minutes to spare. Hooray for you!

This is a map that has  absolutely nothing to do with what I'm talking about.

This is a map that has absolutely nothing to do with what I’m talking about.

Unfortunately, reality is not like that at all. Most of the time, we don’t have that option to take the straight line. This is what could happen in reality:

You set out to walk to the cafe. You don’t take the straight line because there are walls and buildings in the way. You have to go around an entire block because there is some construction going on where, for some reason, pedestrians aren’t allowed to pass by. Halfway through, you realize you forgot your wallet at home, so you rush back to get it. You get your wallet. You break into a weird, half-walk, half-run, forgetting about traffic regulations because you were in such a hurry. A policeman catches and fines you for jaywalking. You arrive at the cafe 15 minutes late.

Yup, that my friends, is life. There are so many twists and turns and circles everywhere, it’s almost like straight lines don’t exist (and if they do, they’re blurry). It doesn’t seem so comforting when you think about it, but that’s what makes life interesting.

You never know what to expect when you turn around a corner, and that’s fine. The next point you need to reach may not be so clear, and the path may be obscured by smoke and fog, and that’s fine too. I believe the smog and dust will settle, and as you progress, you will learn to fan out the fog.

From here on I’m going to keep this in mind: there is little adventure in taking perfect, straight lines. Deviations from the straight line open you up to experiences you would never have encountered; they help you discover new things, new people, and most importantly, yourself. Just as Ellie from the movie “Up” would say, “adventure is out there!”

Today I:

  1. Overslept and don’t regret it
  2. Bought new shoes
  3. Found new friends
  4. Found old friends
  5. Saw the great-grandson of the Aikido founder in person
  6. May have accidentally hurt someone’s feelings (I am really, really sorry)
  7. Walked in the rain
  8. Watched a procession
  9. Shared my pew with a little kitten at church
  10. Saw the biggest moon of the year

Good night!

My friends, what follows is a list of all the things that I will never do (in no particular order). If you see that I’m about to do something that is on this list, stop me immediately. Thank you.

 

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I will never:

  1. Eat cake/chocolate/sweets/whatever unless I have a valid reason (celebrations, free food, low blood sugar, and being happy or depressed are valid reasons. Eating due to boredom is not a valid reason)
  2. Forget how awful getting a hangover feels like
  3. Stop learning
  4. Let minor things come between friendship or family
  5. Do drugs
  6. Let anyone else make my choices for me (unless they know better than I do)
  7. Hurt a child or helpless animal
  8. Become an alcoholic
  9. Become obese
  10. Make my kid’s education a financial investment (that is, if I have any kids)
  11. Marry a condescending/abusive/unkind man Marry
  12. Hold a grudge against anyone
  13. Fail to stand up for myself
  14. Forget to be thankful to God
  15. Neglect relationships with other people
  16. Eat yellow snow
  17. Spend more than my means
  18. Get addicted to a video game ever again

This list is going to get longer.

I have to review and reorganize my life goals and priorities again. I think I may need to do this more often. Like, every month, if necessary. I feel like I’m making very little progress with my life in general. It’s been the same for a few years now. I’m currently 26 years old with no plans of settling down. I don’t even have any plans of getting into a relationship.

The only change I’ve made is a career change. Many people questioned whether it was the right thing for me to do. For me, it was a necessary choice.

Should I go back to being a nurse and pursue a life abroad? That’s usually the goal of people who have studied nursing here in the Philippines, and I’m not sure I really want that.

My biggest problem? Uncertainty.

I’ve clearly been avoiding this topic for awhile now. I don’t even feel like blogging about it, but I just had a talk with my aunt and it’s been eating away at me. She wants me to get my immigration papers processed as soon as possible.

I said I would start. I said I’d take all the necessary exams next month. I say a lot of things.

Damn my big mouth.

There’s a lot to be done, and I’m not sure I want to do it. I’m a little scared.

I need to figure things out fast. But if I do do it (migrate, I mean), I’m not going back to being a full time nurse.  It was a rewarding experience that I’ll always be thankful for, but honestly speaking, I’m done.

I may not know what I want, but I know what I don’t want.

I had the strangest dream today.  I dreamt of helping a mother deliver 6 babies inside a mall,  and reviving one of them who suddenly stopped breathing.  I gave baby-sized breaths until he/she opened his/her eyes (they were a lovely green.  Also, I have no idea what the baby’s gender was).  I think my subsconsciousness is trying to tell me something.  

For the past few weeks, I’ve had an increased number of conversations about my nursing career (or shunning thereof).  Many people are curious as to why I left bedside nursing to become a clinical analyst-slash-nurse informaticist, which is really more of an IT position than a medical one.  I find people asking me to compare traditional nursing to my role now.  My stand on this is that I like my new job better than my old one, but I worry that I’m making a mistake in the long run.  Hmmm.  Will I ever go back to being a bedside nurse in the future?  And if I do, am I wasting my time exploring other career options?

I hate asking myself questions like these so I just bury them at the back of my mind.

(On a completely unrelated sidenote, why does WordPress say that “dreamt” is spelled wrong?  Is there a new rule that says that the correct spelling is now “dreamed”?)

It’s really pathetic that I enjoy my job more than I enjoy dealing with my family.

She liked this photo of  our gumamela.

She liked this photo of our gumamela.

 

My cousin, Ate Riza, passed away yesterday at 8:45PM.  She was severely injured in a motorcycle accident that left her unconscious in the ICU for 6 days.  Her condition deteriorated and we received news that she had hydrocephalus.  CSF was quickly building up inside her skull, compressing her brain.  She was supposed to undergo surgery.  I don’t know all the details yet, but it was cancelled when her blood pressure kept falling.

It took me awhile to process the news.  This is the third death in the family this year.

Although we live apart from each other, she kept in touch and gave me and my family support through trying times (as much as one could over a distance).  It was always her reaching out towards other people.  We all loved her dearly.  Even if I haven’t seen her in person for years, her absence is something that will take time for me to get used to, and I’m going to miss her.

I find myself coming back again and again to her Facebook page.  I go back to her posts before the accident and those of friends and family afterwards.  I don’t know exactly what to feel about social media and death, but I can’t stop reading and re-reading her page.

I don’t have much else to say.  To anyone who cares, please pray for her, and to anyone who travels on a motorcycle, please be careful.  Stay safe.

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I’ve forgotten all about this little WordPress blog of mine.  It’s been two years since my last post here, and I’m surprised at the fact that this blog still exists, and that it even gets any hits.

The last time I was here, I was still working for a prestigious hospital in Metro Manila, doing my rounds as a float bedside nurse in a different nursing unit everyday.  There were major changes in my life since then.

For one, I still work for a prestigious hospital in Metro Manila, but it’s not the same one as before.  And I am no longer a bedside nurse; I work as a clinical systems analyst (or nurse informaticist, if I really want to use “nurse” in my job description).  I moved out of the apartment that I was renting with my roommate, Lyza, and I am back at my childhood home.  Then I went through an ordeal with my family which I don’t want to get into details of.  I still have the sneakers in the picture of my blog header, but I don’t wear them anymore.  I still write poems and do sketches, but have not done any crafting for a long, long time.

I don’t know why I’m writing this (I’m pretty sure no one is reading), but I thought this blog deserved an update. I admit that I began using tumblr shortly after I stopped blogging on WordPress, and after two years, I miss WordPress.  It was, and will continue to be the place where I map out my thoughts.  With that said, I’m going to revive this blog.  I plan to migrate some of my tumblr posts, just to keep a somewhat “complete” record of all my posts for the past years (so I guess it will be safe to assume that any posts between February 2011 up to March 16, 2013 came from tumblr).

For anyone who’s interested, my tumblr is Salty Scribbles.